Feelings
by Jessiy Landroz
Summary: The songs you listen to discribe who you are. Raph Don [One Shot][non yaoi]


I grinned.

He sounded so pleased!

Raphael never saw me coming, with the headphones on his head, booming with loud music, and while singing to himself, I just leaned my weight on one leg, while the elevator descended down again. Arms crossed, I just grinned at him, watching his shell from behind, his arms moving about the engine of the Battle Shell. I chuckled, but he didn't hear it.

I can hear his music playing quite clearly from here, he must've pumped up the volume.

I stood still for a moment, arms crossed, weight to one side, but I shifted every now and then. I waited for a good ten minutes, wondering when he'd notice my prescience, but he didn't, I guess listening to such loud music, and working on the engine got him pretty occupied. I don't think I've seen Raph this pleased before, he really loves working with roaring engines, don't he?

After what looked like changing bolts to some sort of heap, I don't know how to describe the thing, I just watched Raph pull the thing out of the engine and put it aside, it was as big as a toaster, and looked like a battery. I think it was indeed a battery. Anyway, Raph toyed around at the inner side of the engine, then took a rag and a monkey wrench, he started working on the engine again.

The loud music quieted down, and then another song started.

This time, he sand along.

"_Lay_ beside me, tell me what they've done… speak the words I wanna _hear_, to make my _demons_ run."

I tilted my head a bit. Honestly speaking, that sounded a bit scary.

"… what I _felt_, what I've _known_, turn the pages, turn to _stone_… behind the door, should I open it for _you_…" he somewhat sang.

I arched an eye ridge, I hate to admit it, but Raph actually had a nice voice. Sure it's not top-ten material, but still good, needs to work on the low notes maybe, but I think his voice is a bit too deep for singing. I mean, Mikey can sing, but sometimes the pitched notes sound just oh-_so_ wrong! It completely ruins the song, that's probably why we never let Mikey sing at all.

Karaoke or campfire songs, I just can't tell which is worse.

With Mikey, they're both bad news.

I shook my head and watched Raph working about the Battle Shell again. He really loves doing the messy stuff, doesn't he? Grease and oil everywhere, I remember I heard him talking to Casey once, saying he loves the roaring of the engine. Casey once laughed at Raph and claimed that if only Kurinai was a real woman, she'd be married to Raph by now.

Yeah, well, Raph's the kinda guy who'd fall for a dangerous woman, I guess.

"… no there's no sun shining through…" he hummed again, "Or are you unforgiven too…"

I grinned, I think Raph's been listening to that song many times, to the point he memorized the lyrics. The song really sounds familiar.

Raph bobbed his head a bit, "Come _lay_ besides me, this wont hurt I swear…"

I gawked, flushed and wondered what the hell Raph was singing.

He murmured a few lines before speaking out louder, as he replaced the Battel Shell's battery, "Yeah…what I've _felt_, what I've _known_, **_Sick_** and tired, I stand alone, Could _you_ be there, 'cause I'm the one who _waits_ for you. Or are you unforgiven too…"

I mused over the words, I honestly can't hear the music, but something about the lyrics is pretty catching.

The words sound- dark and sad, almost Raph-like. Could it be that he'd been listening to the song, during these past couple of days, almost nonstop, because he feels that it's just like him, or makes him feel more familiar, or maybe it just has something that caught his attention? I mean, yeah, I don't usually listen to a song over and over, repeatedly like he's doing now, unless I really like it, or it has something that makes me feel at ease, or comfortable.

About then, Raph's voice really got into the song, for his voice got a little louder, country style, he was probably singing from his heart. He walked over to the workshop's kit, put down the monkey wrench and picked up a screw driver. He passed by the Shell Cycle, or how he likes to call her Kurinai. "She loves me _not_, she loves me _still_, but she'll _never_ love again." He grinned, running his fingertips over the Kurinai's handles, almost as if he were addressing her with the song. I could practically see a flirting grin. The next few lines, his voice softened, "She _lay_ beside me, but she'll _be there_ when I'm gone." Now his voice grew dark again, "Black hearts scarring darker still, _yes_, she'll _be there_ when I'm gone." This part got just a little bit louder, "Yes! She'll _be there_ when I'm gone! _Dead sure_ she'll be there!"

Raph, for a very long moment, stopped singing and just hummed with the song. I think he was trying to put his complete focus on the engine, because as soon as the song ended, I watched him pause, put down the screw driver, pick up and rewind his MP3 player and turn the song on, playing it all over again. With a pleased grin, he went back in adjusting a few wires here and there.

I remembered why I came up to the garage in the first place, I tried not to slap my forehead. Raph complained that Mikey, who claimed to have wanted to help him fix her up, ended up frying some circuits when he flashed a toy black widow at Raph, and when Raph chased him across the lair, Mikey broke the remote to the battle Shell, and it weren't responding.

I fixed the remote, but still no respond, so he's checking the wires for me, but since I'm the one who built and equipped the thing, he didn't want to go tinker around with something, that'll only make things worse. Mikey had been forbidden to come anywhere near the vehicles, not even the Sewer Sled, due to the fact that only Leo, Raph and I have permission from Sensei to drive.

"What I've _felt_, what I've _known_, _Sick_ and tired, I stand alone. Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you. Or are you unforgiven too." He sang again, and I could sense his voice had a touch of despair and angst in it, probably trying to mimic the song. "_Lay_ beside me, tell me what I've done, the door is closed, so are your _eyes_, but now I _see_ the _sun_… now I **_see_** the _sun_. Yes! Now I _see_ it!"

I rubbed the back of my neck; he's really into this song, isn't he.

I was a bit too hesitant to let him know I've been there the whole time.

Why does Raph keep picking such sad, depressing songs? As awesome and mesmerizing as they are, some songs practically tear your heart out. Raph isn't the sentimental type, but Sensei claims Raph is very sensitive, and very compassionate, in his own grouchy way, and the type of song that he likes to listen to, somewhat explains his personality.

"Oh, what I've _felt_! Oh, what I've _known_… I take this key, and I _bury_ it in you, because you're unforgiven too! Never _free_! Never _me_! 'Cause you're unforgiven too!" he finished the song.

Before the next song starts, I took my chance and coughed.

Instantly, his shoulders squared, he twirled around to stare at me, his face up in flames, "Aw sh!t…" he looked away embarrassedly.

I chuckled sheepishly, I expected him to curse.

"Damn it, Donny!" Raph growled embarrassedly, now pulling down the headphones to glare at me, his cheeks colored under a few layers of pink, "How long have ya been there?"

I walked over and shrugged, "Just a few minutes." I tried to hide an amused grin.

Raph grumbled under his breath, probably cursing.

Watching him stiffly work about the lid, where I put the responding plate of the remote's signals, Raph was wrestling with a few bolts. He was still flushed up the whole time I helped him with the lid, he didn't even turn the MP3 player on again, he just let the headphones rest over his shoulders, and the MP3 player hung on his belt, he looked steamed.

"You sang pretty well." I praised, half expecting him to flinch, half expecting a sucker punch.

He did neither, he stiffened, "Whatever… just don't tell Mikey."

I chuckled, "I know better than to tell Mikey anything, Raph. Trust me."

Raph just snorted, unimpressed.

I rolled my eyes, I need to sooth the savage beast before he gets any worse, "What was that song, anyway? You've been listening to it for the past few days."

He sighed slightly, "Unforgiven II by Metallica."

"You like it?" I asked. I noticed, in a flicker of a second, his gaze wondered off at Kurinai.

Raph's irritated expression eased a bit, he smiled a bit, "Yeah, it's pretty cool, you know."

"Mind if I listen to it?" I pleaded. Sometimes, Raph gets some pretty cool songs on him, I like borrowing his CD's, as long as he makes me promise to give them back, before Mike gets a chance to put his greasy fingers on them.

He eyed me wearily, "It's addicting." He warned, yet taking off the headphones and MP3 player, placing them in my hands, "For you, it might be worse than that Katamari theme Mike keeps chanting." He informed.

"I'll take my chances." I smiled, then watched him go about removing the secondary-safety lid, now working over the lid of the main support signal board.

For a while, I felt myself lost with the words. They were sad, beautiful and dark. I realized, while listening to it a third time, why Raph liked it so much, it practically described him at some point. Alone, waiting within the darkness, and a woman he yarns for, within sight, but beyond reach. I guess he's got some hidden charm somewhere, because if there's a girl he likes, I don't think any of us know who she is.

Though, according to Mikey, I bet it could well possibly be Kurinai.

I dunno, who else is there Raph would yarn for her affection?

Uh… April?

I frowned, and for a long moment, I regarded Raph's relaxed expression, I take it he'd completely forgotten about me listening in to his tunes. I know April is like a sister to us, but I always regarded her as someone a little more than that. Could it be that Raph feels that way, too? I listened to the last part of the song, 'I take this key and bury it in you' bit…

It sounds like April would fit, but…

Nah, maybe I'm just thinking too much…

I eyed Raph again, and a cold sinking feeling began in my stomach.

Raph doesn't feel that way towards her… Right.

... Right?

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-END…?-

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A/N: no comment… romance/angst wont fit here, because there isn't a girl in the story, so general/angst would fit better, right…

Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to but the lyrics for the song 'Unforgiven II by Metallica' here, but at least I gave you the song title, you just need to go to Google and do a search…


End file.
